What I'm Working With

This week has been pretty normal. I have a week before school starts (two more years and I'll have a degree in English), but that's not really on my mind. My biggest problem is finding an apartment within the next two weeks. My husband and I have been staying with family for the last eight months, since we came home. It's time for us to be on our own. The biggest problem with finding a place is that the apartments we wanted to go with are all full and now we have to find another one. Some people may not know this, but stress is a real factor with almost everything in everyone's lives and in my life, I do scratch.

when I take my socks and shoes off,
this is what my foot looks like

The evenings after work have been really bad for me lately. When I come home from work, the urge can be unbearable. But scratching isn't the first thing that I allow myself to do. I have to take the dog out, feed the cat, feed the dog, cook dinner, and take the trash out before I allow myself the self-loathing, but gratifying feeling of scratching myself bloody. I have to force myself to do these things or I won't. I'll just come home a scratch and nothing would ever get done. I have to tell myself that I'm not ruled by my urge to scratch, I rule it. 

Just to show you what I'm working with, I'm posting a picture of my foot. This is my left foot, after doing all my required chores after coming home from work. I don't even get into more comfortable clothes until after the chores are done, because if I do I'll scratch first. So changing clothes represents the first moment of a scratching fit and when I take my socks and shoes off, this is what my foot looks like- after being at work all day. It's a little gross and I'm sorry for that. But if I'm going to bare my soul, I better be prepared to bare all of it, right? 

All in all, this week wasn't too bad. My scratching didn't get overwhelming and particularly hate myself too much this week. Everything feels really rough though, as if a hundred showers still wouldn't get my body clean. But, still not a bad week. Really more like normal. I'll check in again later! E.

 ^__^